Diagnosis and diction

The instruments that explain why communication works, and the moves of situation, economy, clarity and register.

Read in order, or open the volume you need

Instruments and Moves runs to three volumes so that each stays short enough to read in one sitting. Every volume holds whole sections in the toolkit’s own order, with the appendices for its own entries. The toolkit closes with the seven-pass review of a draft, at the end of volume two.

Good communicators know the moves. Better ones know why the moves work.

A move is something you can see on the page or hear in the room. An instrument explains why it helps or hurts. Know only the moves and you can spot repetition. Know the instruments and you can tell when repetition is a fault in a memo and a courtesy in a speech.

Only seventeen of 113 moves are good on the page in themselves.

In writing, 50 moves depend, 46 are vice and 17 are virtue. Few devices are good in themselves, so the real skill is diagnosis.

Speech rewards what writing punishes.

Fifteen moves rise to virtue when spoken, among them the tricolon, anaphora, parataxis and the refrain. Thirteen more soften from vice to depends. Six get worse aloud: jargon, acronym load, nominalisation, BLUF, hypotaxis and parenthesis. A script edited like a memo will fail in the room.

Three of the twenty-nine instruments have been tested.

The rest describe real texts, propose a theory, codify craft or set a standard. Each entry says which, because the tag decides how much weight an instrument can bear.

Seven altitudes of instrument, nine families of move, five sets of terms

The instruments run from the single sentence up to the stance of the whole piece. The moves run in families, each asking one question of a draft: did I say it once, can it be misread, does the voice fit the room, is it in the order the reader needs, will it stick, will it work for the ear, is it true and owned, does it say anything.

Six sections, in the order a review needs them

The slide carries the definition, the example from work and both verdicts. The panel adds how to spot it and why it works or fails. The longform carries all six sections, the figure and the sources.

Three misreadings, refused in advance

The first misreading is the costly one. A reviewer armed with a glossary of vices tends to strike every repetition, every metaphor and every hedge. The verdicts here say that most of those are tools, and that the question is always what the move does to this reader at this moment.

Where the vices cluster

Clarity and candour hold 20 of the 46 written vices between them. Arrangement holds one.

Instruments

Twenty-nine frameworks from linguistics, rhetoric, composition and cognitive science, ordered from the single sentence up to the stance of the whole piece. Use them to diagnose.

Where the reader’s attention lands

Three instruments for the smallest unit that can go wrong: what a sentence opens on, what it ends on, and where the heavy part sits.

Given-new contract

TESTED · the core claim has been tested experimentally Trust the tested core, not every extension · applies to writing and speech

Topic and stress position

CRAFT · practitioner doctrine, widely taught and rarely tested Judge it by whether the draft gets better · applies to writing

End-focus and end-weight

OBSERVED · a description of how real texts or talk behave, from analysis or corpora Trust it for the texts it describes · applies to writing and speech

What holds a paragraph together

Two instruments for the level above the sentence: the visible links between sentences, and the guidance a writer gives a reader about where the text is going.

Cohesion vs coherence

OBSERVED · a description of how real texts or talk behave, from analysis or corpora Trust it for the texts it describes · applies to writing

Metadiscourse

FIG 08 — SIGNPOSTS FOR THE TEXT, STANCE FOR THE READER

The order a reader needs

Eleven instruments for the shape of a whole piece: answer first, most important first, the sequence a genre expects, the smallest unit of narrative tension, and the practitioners’ sequences for answers, cases, feedback, updates and pitches.

Pyramid Principle and SCQA

CRAFT · practitioner doctrine, widely taught and rarely tested Judge it by whether the draft gets better · applies to writing

Inverted pyramid

CRAFT · practitioner doctrine, widely taught and rarely tested Judge it by whether the draft gets better · applies to writing

Rhetorical moves

OBSERVED · a description of how real texts or talk behave, from analysis or corpora Trust it for the texts it describes · applies to writing

ABT: And, But, Therefore

CRAFT · practitioner doctrine, widely taught and rarely tested Judge it by whether the draft gets better · applies to writing and speech

MECE

CRAFT · practitioner doctrine, widely taught and rarely tested Judge it by whether the draft gets better · applies to writing and speech

PREP

CRAFT · practitioner doctrine, widely taught and rarely tested Judge it by whether the draft gets better · applies to writing and speech

STAR

CRAFT · practitioner doctrine, widely taught and rarely tested Judge it by whether the draft gets better · applies to writing and speech

SBI

FIG 16 — SITUATION, BEHAVIOUR, IMPACT: THE ACT, NOT THE PERSON

What? So what? Now what?

CRAFT · practitioner doctrine, widely taught and rarely tested Judge it by whether the draft gets better · applies to writing and speech

AIDA, PAS

CRAFT · practitioner doctrine, widely taught and rarely tested Judge it by whether the draft gets better · applies to writing and speech

5W1H

CRAFT · practitioner doctrine, widely taught and rarely tested Judge it by whether the draft gets better · applies to writing and speech

What the piece is claiming, and on what grounds

Three instruments for the logic underneath the wording: the parts of an argument, the question a dispute is really about, and the time a speech faces.

Toulmin model SAY TOOL·min MOD·ul /ˈtuːlmɪn ˈmɒdəl/

FIG 20 — SIX PARTS OF AN ARGUMENT, ONE USUALLY MISSING

Stasis theory SAY STAY·sis THEER·ee /ˈsteɪsɪs ˈθɪəri/

THEORY · a theoretical account, influential and argued over, not a finding Use it to ask a question, not to settle one · applies to writing and speech

Three branches of oratory

FIG 22 — THREE BRANCHES, THREE TENSES, THREE QUESTIONS

What a message is doing between people

Four instruments for communication as an exchange: the cooperation it assumes, the act it performs, the face it protects, and the relationship its tone encodes.

Cooperative principle

THEORY · a theoretical account, influential and argued over, not a finding Use it to ask a question, not to settle one · applies to writing and speech

Speech acts

THEORY · a theoretical account, influential and argued over, not a finding Use it to ask a question, not to settle one · applies to writing and speech

Politeness and face

THEORY · a theoretical account, influential and argued over, not a finding Use it to ask a question, not to settle one · applies to writing and speech

Register: field, tenor, mode

THEORY · a theoretical account, influential and argued over, not a finding Use it to ask a question, not to settle one · applies to writing and speech

Eye or ear

Two instruments for the channel: how speech differs from writing, and what the evidence says about words and pictures together.

Orality vs literacy

THEORY · a theoretical account, influential and argued over, not a finding Use it to ask a question, not to settle one · applies to speech

Multimedia principles

TESTED · the core claim has been tested experimentally Trust the tested core, not every extension · applies to speech

Where the writer stands

Four instruments for the posture of the whole piece: towards the world, towards what the reader knows, towards the problem, and towards the reader’s task.

Classic style

CRAFT · practitioner doctrine, widely taught and rarely tested Judge it by whether the draft gets better · applies to writing

Curse of knowledge

FIG 30 — THE WRITER HEARS THE TUNE, THE READER HEARS KNOCKING

Framing functions

THEORY · a theoretical account, influential and argued over, not a finding Use it to ask a question, not to settle one · applies to writing and speech

Plain language principles

FIG 32 — FOUR TESTS OF PLAIN LANGUAGE, ALL ON THE READER

Moves

One hundred and thirteen moves in eight families, after a first family of frames that carries no verdicts. Use them to name what you see, then judge it twice: on the page and aloud.

Who is this for, why and why now?

Frames, not verdicts. Every other judgement in this toolkit depends on these. A move that works for one audience at one moment fails for another.

Rhetorical situation

FRAME · a frame the verdicts depend on, with no verdict of its own

Audience

FIG 34 — RANK THE READERS, WRITE FOR THE ONE WHO DECIDES

Kairos SAY KY·ross /ˈkaɪrɒs/

FRAME · a frame the verdicts depend on, with no verdict of its own

Decorum

FRAME · a frame the verdicts depend on, with no verdict of its own

Ethos, logos, pathos SAY EE·thoss, LOH·goss, PAY·thoss /ˈiːθɒs, ˈləʊɡɒs, ˈpeɪθɒs/

FRAME · a frame the verdicts depend on, with no verdict of its own

Five canons

FIG 38 — DIAGNOSE THE CANON BEFORE EDITING THE SENTENCE

Voice vs tone

FRAME · a frame the verdicts depend on, with no verdict of its own

Say it once

Writing rewards saying it once. Speech often needs it twice, because listeners can’t scroll back. That is where the verdicts split.

Pleonasm SAY PLEE·uh·naz·um /ˈpliː.ə.næz.əm/

FIG 40 — THE DELETION TEST: CUT THE WORD, CHECK THE LOSS

Tautology SAY taw·TOL·uh·jee /tɔːˈtɒlədʒi/

RISES ALOUD · judged better spoken than written, because listeners cannot re-read On the page: vice · aloud: depends

Circumlocution SAY ser·kum·luh·KYOO·shun /ˌsɜːkəmləˈkjuːʃən/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Periphrasis SAY puh·RIF·ruh·sis /pəˈrɪfrəsɪs/

DEPENDS · a tool in both modes: its effect turns on audience, purpose and dose On the page: depends · aloud: depends

Throat-clearing

RISES ALOUD · judged better spoken than written, because listeners cannot re-read On the page: vice · aloud: depends

Macrologia SAY mak·roh·LOH·jee·uh /ˌmækrəʊˈləʊdʒiə/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Battologia SAY bat·uh·LOH·jee·uh /ˌbætəˈləʊdʒiə/

RISES ALOUD · judged better spoken than written, because listeners cannot re-read On the page: vice · aloud: depends

Periergia SAY perr·ee·ER·jee·uh /ˌperiˈɜːdʒiə/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Brevitas SAY BREV·ih·tahss /ˈbrevɪtɑːs/

VIRTUE · helps almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: virtue · aloud: virtue

Ellipsis

DEPENDS · a tool in both modes: its effect turns on audience, purpose and dose On the page: depends · aloud: depends

Asyndeton SAY uh·SIN·duh·ton /əˈsɪndɪtən/

RISES ALOUD · judged better spoken than written, because listeners cannot re-read On the page: depends · aloud: virtue

Polysyndeton SAY pol·ee·SIN·duh·ton /ˌpɒliˈsɪndɪtən/

RISES ALOUD · judged better spoken than written, because listeners cannot re-read On the page: vice · aloud: depends

Say it plainly

The test is whether a busy reader can misread it. Speech raises the stakes: a listener can’t stop to look up an acronym.

Perspicuitas SAY per·spik·YOO·ih·tahss /ˌpɜːspɪˈkjuːɪtɑːs/

FIG 52 — THE ONE-PASS TEST: CAN A READER SAY WHAT IT ASKS

Enargia SAY en·AR·jee·uh /ɪˈnɑːdʒiə/

FIG 53 — PUT THE THING ITSELF BEFORE THE READER’S EYES

Exemplum SAY ig·ZEM·plum /ɪɡˈzempləm/

VIRTUE · helps almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: virtue · aloud: virtue

Analogy

DEPENDS · a tool in both modes: its effect turns on audience, purpose and dose On the page: depends · aloud: depends

Metaphor

DEPENDS · a tool in both modes: its effect turns on audience, purpose and dose On the page: depends · aloud: depends

Catachresis SAY kat·uh·KREE·sis /ˌkætəˈkriːsɪs/

FIG 57 — READ THE FIGURE LITERALLY, THEN KEEP ONE OR NONE

Amphiboly SAY am·FIB·uh·lee /æmˈfɪbəli/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Polysemy SAY puh·LISS·uh·mee /pəˈlɪsɪmi/

DEPENDS · a tool in both modes: its effect turns on audience, purpose and dose On the page: depends · aloud: depends

Jargon

FALLS ALOUD · judged worse spoken than written, because listeners cannot re-read On the page: depends · aloud: vice

Acronym load

FALLS ALOUD · judged worse spoken than written, because listeners cannot re-read On the page: depends · aloud: vice

Buzzword

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Technobabble

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Aureation SAY aw·ree·AY·shun /ˌɔːriˈeɪʃən/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Nominalisation

FALLS ALOUD · judged worse spoken than written, because listeners cannot re-read On the page: depends · aloud: vice

Skotison SAY SKOT·ih·son /ˈskɒtɪsɒn/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Malapropism, solecism SAY MAL·uh·prop·iz·um, SOL·ih·siz·um /ˈmæləprɒpɪzəm, ˈsɒlɪsɪzəm/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Synecdoche SAY sih·NEK·duh·kee /sɪˈnekdəki/

DEPENDS · a tool in both modes: its effect turns on audience, purpose and dose On the page: depends · aloud: depends

Say it in the right voice

Most tone problems are tenor problems: the words misjudge the relationship. Register failures rarely confuse. They make the reader trust the writer less.

Plain, middle and grand style

FIG 69 — TEACH, PLEASE, MOVE: PICK THE STYLE BY THE JOB

Captatio benevolentiae SAY kap·TAH·tee·oh ben·eh·voh·LEN·tee·eye /kæpˈtɑːtiəʊ ˌbenɪvəˈlentiaɪ/

RISES ALOUD · judged better spoken than written, because listeners cannot re-read On the page: depends · aloud: virtue

Bomphiologia SAY bom·fee·uh·LOH·jee·uh /ˌbɒmfiəˈləʊdʒiə/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Cacozelia SAY kak·oh·ZEE·lee·uh /ˌkækəʊˈziːliə/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Soraismus SAY sor·uh·IZ·mus /ˌsɒrəˈɪzməs/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Tapinosis SAY tap·ih·NOH·sis /ˌtæpɪˈnəʊsɪs/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Bathos SAY BAY·thoss /ˈbeɪθɒs/

VICE · hurts almost wherever it appears, on the page and aloud On the page: vice · aloud: vice

Colloquialism

DEPENDS · a tool in both modes: its effect turns on audience, purpose and dose On the page: depends · aloud: depends

Continued in volume two, Cadence and Candour

This volume ends with its last section, and volume two picks up at section V. The toolkit closes with the seven-pass review of a draft, at the end of volume two.

Sixty-three works

Every entry names what it rests on, and the reference list holds all of them. Terms were drawn from the standard glossaries of rhetorical and poetic devices and extended with the classical vices of style.

Every term in this volume is indexed, with its definition, at https://www.geraldajam.com/library/glossary/phrasebooks/instruments-and-moves.